I support your right to get married, pay less taxes than my partner and I do, and to receive benefits only available to heterosexual married couples. As a lesbian, I don’t want your wife. I don’t want to destroy your marriage. In fact, I celebrate with you the joy and wonder of becoming one.
When I see you in public, I don’t feel disgusted when you hold hands or show affection. In most cases, I think it’s sweet.
When I see you with your children, I am happy for you. Families are beautiful. It saddens me when families fall apart due to divorce or dysfunction. I wish for all of you a strong, happy, and healthy family life.
As a person advocating equal rights for the LGBTQ community, I am not out to ruin your marriage or family unit. Neither am I out to take away any of your rights and privileges.
If I were to play by the Conservative Christian rules and marry a man, it would not be a honest marriage (see Straight Spouse Connection: Exploring topics relevant to mixed-orientation families). I would not be genuinely loving or honoring to the man in my life – it would be an act that would eventually fail. It’s not that I don’t like men, I actually do. I think (most) men are wonderful human beings. The thing is, my heart, mind, and soul do not feel drawn to intimacy with a man.
I don’t know why I am a lesbian. There were plenty of times I tried to fight the feeling, and implement ex-gay strategies. However, the process of suppressing my sexuality slowly destroyed the person God designed me to be. If you read my story, you’ll see I went through a journey and discovered God’s love and acceptance of me, as I am.
I’m not asking you to befriend me, agree with me, or love me. Instead, I am asking for you to show the same respect to me that I offer to you. I’m asking for you to look at me as a human being, having the same needs for love and companionship as you do.
Our differences are minor, if you really think about it. You don’t want to know about the activity in my bedroom as much as I don’t want to know about the activity in your bedroom. Other than this, my home life and responsibilities are comparable to yours. My partner and I attend church, support local charities whenever possible, and care for our families. We have dreams, hobbies, interests, friends, jobs, coworkers, and daily joys and stresses – just like you.
If you are an Ally of the LGBTQ community, I thank you for all the things you’ve done to work towards equal rights.
If you are an enemy of our community, I forgive you for the things you’ve done out of hatred or fear (for more info on causes and history of homophobia, see Understanding the Construction of Homophobia as a Social Problem in Postwar America). I pray that God will bless you and your family, and for the day you will see our community through the eyes of love and compassion.
If you are considering changing your opinion about our community, then I urge you to meet and get to know someone who identifies as LGBTQ. Also, I hope you take the time to learn about our community and how homophobia affects all of us.
Thank you for reading this.
~Suzanne
(a member of the same human race as you)
(My apologies for lack of ethnic representation.)
Nearly every person who acknowledges an aversion to homosexuality does so on the basis of what he or she believes the Bible has to say. In their mind, there is no doubt whatsoever about what the Bible says and what the Bible means. Their general argument goes something like this: Homosexuality is an abomination and the homosexual is a sinner. Homosexuality is condemned in both the Old and New Testaments. Therefore, if we are to be faithful to the clear teachings of Scripture we too must condemn homosexuality. Needless to say, this premise is being widely debated among evangelicals today and seriously challenged by biblical scholars, theologians and religious leaders everywhere.
It rarely occurs to any of us that our reading of Scripture is profoundly colored by our own cultural context and worldview. In light of the post above and since I happen to speak and write on this very topic, I thought you might find some of these posts of particular interest and relevance. I would particularly recommend the following:
“Genesis 19: What Were the Real Sins of Sodom?
“Leviticus 18: What Was the Abomination?”
“Romans 1: What Was Paul Ranting About?”
“Romans 2: Paul’s Bait and Switch”
“Genesis 1: Turning the Creation Story into an Anti-Gay Treatise”
“Why No One in the Biblical World Had a Word for Homosexuality”
“Exegesis: Not For the Faint in Heart”
(Links to these and more may be found by simply clicking the link below and then selecting the “Archives” page.)
-Alex Haiken
http://JewishChristianGay.wordpress.com
excellent blog posts, alex. really appreciate the thoroughness and thoughtfulness with which you approach the texts.
great work!
Thank you for your kind and gracious words. Glad you find them helpful and of value.
-Alex Haiken
http://JewishChristianGay.wordpress.com
GAY RIGHTS IS HUMAN RIGHTS!!! NOBODIES PERFECT BCUZ WERE ONLY HUMAN BEING…WHAT DO U THINK OF UR SELF NO SINS? I DONT THINK SO!!! BEFORE U SAY SOMETHING TO OTHER LOOK AT UR SELF AT THE MIRROR… HUMAN RIGHTS IS FOR HUMAN DONT INCLUDE GOD… IM TRUTH TO MY SELF & IM NOT SHY TO ASK THAT IM GAY… I KNOW GOD LOVES ME! CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION?? DO YOU CLEAVE TO A PERSON I CHOOSE? NO! RIGHT! I CLEAVE NOT YOU…
As a Christian and an Ally, I struggle to understand why this beautifully expressed and clearly humane explanation is not enough to end the argument.
I understand. I’d like to direct you to a book that I’ve written that addresses the neurological and Biblical aspect of this dicussion in a non-threatening or ignorant way. It’s called “Dear Carlos”. Find out more here. http://www.amazon.com/Dear-Carlos-ebook/dp/B007UMOWA0/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1335574851&sr=8-1
Where in the Bible did JESUS say that homosexuality was a sin, damnable to Hell fire? IT DOES NOT! Men came up with these rules and I believe it was because God, at the time, needed couples to produce children and the Romans had homosexuality in their society. Of course, any thing the Romans did was wrong. Now you agree with the Romans (as in the Roman Catholic Church) who stole, hid or destroyed many books of the Bible that WE will never see. There are only 2 commandments if you believe in the Bible and Jesus-”LOVE thy neighbor as thyself” and “LOVE the Lord thy God with all your heart, soul and mind”. Take note that you violate both of these commandments of Jesus Christ when you are homophobic or condemn others. My soul is right with God and with you. Maybe you ought to rethink your position by the Words of Jesus Christ!
Thank you Alex, Leslie, and Debbie for your input. Thank you hadhufang for being an ally and for sharing your kind feedback.
Dr. Colbert,
May I ask you what is it that you understand and what does understanding me mean to you?
When I say I understand someone, I am saying that I get their perspective and can appreciate differences without the need to change a person’s mind.
I’d like to hear what you understand about my perspective and why you feel the need to change my mind. In my writings, I share my perspective so I can be heard and seen and counted as a human being journeying through life just like everyone else. I do not share in order to push my agenda on people who don’t and will never agree with me.
When Jesus sent the Disciples out, He told them not to waste their time on people who wouldn’t simply receive the Good News. In fact, He told them to shake the dust off of their feet if their presence and message weren’t accepted (Matthew 10:9-15 NIV).
When Jesus spoke about the sexual / gender minority (a.k.a. eunuchs), He didn’t end His message with: “if you can’t accept this, then feel free to de-gay, pray away the gay, target and condemn them.” No, He left it at “if you can accept this, then accept it” (Matthew 19:11-12 NIV). There’s nothing to read between lines. He was speaking to an audience who knew there existed a greater diversity than exclusively heterosexual, male and female. Jesus didn’t waste His time trying to convince the ones who wouldn’t be able to accept His message about sexual / gender diversity.
I share what I believe, but I leave it at the point of inviting mutual discussion of sharing beliefs. In other words, I would have no problem reading your book if I knew it was a mutual, non-judgmental sharing of ideas, beliefs, and experiences (in order to understand the other person’s perspective). However, I took a look at your website, and there were pretty strong judgmental statements which raised red flags for me.
This is my spiritual perspective: I am very thankful for my Pentecostal / Assemblies of God upbringing. I am very thankful for my Pastoral Ministry education from an Assemblies of God college. I love the Word of God. I love Jesus. And if it wasn’t for the Holy Spirit, I literally would not be alive today. The 3 in 1 knew my entire life story while I was being formed in my mother’s womb. In a moment of solitude, I accepted Jesus as my personal Savior at the age of 6. (I literally felt Jesus approach me and ask me to follow Him, and I said yes.) My identity is wholeheartedly grounded in Christ.
I wish the use of labels for orientation were unnecessary. However, I use labels so that I can offer a framework of knowledge about me.
While I know it is highly unlikely the A/G would ever be open and affirming of the LGBTQ community, I continue to be thankful for my heritage and experiences (most likely, I wouldn’t know what emotional, spiritual intimacy with Jesus feels like unless I had experienced it in that context).
I pray for the day the Truth about God’s perspective towards the LGBTQ community becomes abundantly clear to all sides of the continuum (I don’t think either extreme has it 100% correct).
Meanwhile, there are brilliant theological and biblical scholars who could effectively argue both sides. In fact, I worked as an assistant to one of those scholars who was researching to write a book on a theology of human sexuality for the Assemblies of God. I do not doubt for a second his heartfelt desire to “speak the Truth in love.” Yet, I’ve read of and met other scholars who believe they are “speaking the Truth in love” by going to great lengths to prove the Bible and God are not against the LGBTQ community – but wholly accept and love us just as we are without the need to “correct” our orientation or gender identification.
Considering the nature of Church history and all of the divisions and factions along the way from Early Church until present day, it seems nearly impossible for the entire Church to become one on this specific topic – because there are tons of other theological differences yet to be reconciled. For some reason, though, homosexuality et al have become the singled out target among the Conservatives, Evangelicals, Pentecostals, etc. Why not deal with the more fundamental issues, such as the Trinity, theological interpretations of the divinity / human nature of Jesus, the End-Times and the Kingdom of God (how will it all unfold, etc.) or the practical issues like poverty, abuse, starvation, the widows and the orphans? James 1:27 says, “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” Notice in James it does not say “to keep others from being polluted.” Every individual is accountable for their own relationship with the Divine, and each journey is unique.
Regarding religious differences, how is it that some church denominations and Christians are supportive, while others are the exact opposite? Does this mean the supportive ones are hell-bound for not “standing up for the Truth and allowing corruptible yeast into the mix?” (1 Corinthians chapter 5)
What if the supportive ones have been correct in their beliefs all along this journey, and it’s been the opposition who’ve been incorrect? Jesus had lots of things to say about the “least of these” and the “outcasts.” So, if it turns out the opposition (those against sexual / gender diversity) were incorrect, couldn’t Jesus rightfully say “even though you did things in my name, I never knew you” and sends each one away from Him? (Matthew 7:21-23 NIV).
So, I’ve said all of this to say: I agree to disagree. I don’t want to change your mind, and I ask for the same respect in return. If you are able to accept the message, then accept it. If you are not able to, then please focus on what you can accept. I understand you love Jesus and wholeheartedly want to honor and serve Him. I’m with you on this desire. Could this be a place to start, for both of us to focus on what we can accept in each other?
In Christ,
Suzanne
When I say that I understand, I mean exactly that. I do… my book isn’t meant to contradict anyone but to shed light where there needs to be understanding. It brings information that some are not aware of, that’s all. Just like you invited me to read this article to shed light, that is all my book is intended to do but I’d appreciate if you read it before you responded. I made it the same price as a happy meal so that no one had an excuse. I also compacted information instead of fluffing things up for a high page count like many other authors do because I wanted it to be easy to understand.
Also, I did present the information. I didn’t make any judgenmental or mean statements. I shall dust off my feet if my message is received but if someone has any follow up questions I am accessible. I make this very clear in my book as well.
Let me say this… since you’re a believer you must also believe that without accepting Jesus as your Lord and savior, you are going to hell correct? So with that said, if you were to witness to someone who didn’t believe in God would that be considered “trying to change their minds”? Wouldn’t you be doing so in an attempt to alert them to the fact that they were on a path to destruction? Or would you not witness to them at all?
I share the Gospel (and other information) not because I have a secret agenda but because I honestly care. To withhold information so that people would like me or feel comfortable would be a GREAT injustice. When you care about them, you attempt to protect them. If they reject it, that leaves the responsibility on them. I presented the information. If you don’t want it, please, don’t respond but don’t attempt to suggest that I am not an understanding person because I present information to people. If I were uncaring, I’d say anything you wanted to hear but only MANIPULATORS do that. I don’t have to agree with someone’s life choices to care about them. I have a brother in jail. I didn’t approve of what he did (even though he felt strongly about it) but I still love him, pray for him and attempt to witness to him. I tell Him the truth as I understand it, just like you would for someone that you love… so please.
Dr. Colbert,
The red flag for me was this specific statement on your website:
This statement wasn’t inviting me to read your book. Instead, it was already writing me off as a believer in Christ who doesn’t feel homosexuality is wrong. In fact, I found your statement very offensive to not only me, but to others who hold different views than your own.
So, if this is on your website, it is a wall stopping me from reading your book. I’d rather go to McDonald’s and get my Happy Meal and thank God for giving me His daily bread.
Let me emphasize this… I am willing to read your book, but because your statement here does not feel safe to me, I would need to be very guarded – not something I want to do or be.
I hear you when you explain your concept of understanding, and that you are approaching the LGBTQ community with your message out of love and concern.
You asked me if witnessing (sharing the Gospel) with someone would be in effect an attempt to change their mind. Back in my Evangelical days, the answer to your question would be yes! I’ve since matured. I believe if God is who He says He is, He will draw all humankind unto Him. As a Christian, my job is to show the love of Christ in me, instead of preaching to persuade. I’m to share my testimony, but not use it as a proof of God’s existence or a tool to change one’s mind. Jesus said to make disciples, not converts. Paul said to follow him as he follows Christ. We witness through our examples, through how we show the love of Christ in us – the world will know we are Christians by our love.
When I read through your website page (linked above), I didn’t sense love and compassion coming forth. I am not saying you aren’t loving or compassionate, but I’m saying the wording on that page doesn’t convey the intention behind the message.
I’m wanting you to hear that I am willing to hear your message. At the same time, I want to be clear that at this present moment I do not feel safe to read your book all on account of your words on your website.
Isn’t there a more hospitable way to invite someone to read your book?
In Christ,
Suzanne
P.S. to Dr. Colbert
I very much dislike discussions that end up looking like verbose debates over biblical interpretation or beliefs. I feel such discussions resolve nothing, except to fuel the tension between opposing viewpoints.
The bottom line: I respect your viewpoint and desire to help those you believe need the kind of help you’re offering. My prayer for all those who minister, regardless of beliefs, is that God’s Word works effectively for, in, and through each minister.
Discerning Truth is an on-going process for all of us who follow the Divine.
My prayer for all of us on the journey of reconciling life, faith, and sexuality, regardless of beliefs, is that God would guard our hearts and minds, protecting each individual from harmful messages – no matter the messenger.
God’s will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
~Suzanne
What I was attempting to do was answer the rebutles of people who have decided to be against my book before even reading but I guess I failed. “Unsafe to read”…. many Christian feel that neuroscience is unsafe to read as well and this is what is preventing them from understanding the homosexual brain. This is something I address within the book as well. You are misinterpreting my intent. Just do your own homework then. I compliled information in my book so that people didn’t have to spend hours infornt of the computer like I have. I’ve provided the necessary links and everything but if you don’t appreciate what I am trying to do, which is present information and making it easy for anyone to understand then fine. I’m not being mean but being oversensitive about it is not my problem. I can’t control how you taking what I am saying the wrong way. Like I said, I KNOW why homosexuals feel the way that they do from a scientific and spiritual aspect but if you don’t want my help, that’s fine with me too.
Also, the Bible says that faith comes by hearing the word of God…. how can living as an example tell people about the redeeming blood of Jesus? How can people know about God without it being preached? Now if you aren’t a minister, you aren’t required to “preach” but you ARE however responsible to fulfill the great command which is do your part in speading the Gospel and that’s what I tell ALL believers.
Listen, when I love someone, I tell them the truth. It may hurt, it may cause them to dislike me but isn’t that what a real friend would do? When you hide or refuse to share truth with someone, thats YOU loving YOU….. its not about what is best for them. If you would let someone you care about go in a downward spiral, you are not a friend at all. That has more to do with you not wanting to offend them so that they can still approve of you than it has to do with loving them.
Children, believe that their parents are the enemy because they are too immature to understand that their rules and warnings come from love. They think that approval is love. Just because someone approves of your lifestyle doesn’t mean that those are the ones who love you.
Many people don’t understand homosexuality and they may attack you but don’t assume that everyone who stands on the word wants to attack you.
Also, why is it that you magnified the one thing that you disagreed with in my blog post….. if you are merely looking for things we do agree on? you decided to take offense and magnify that above everything else and it wasn’t mean to offend at all.
I wish that I could talk to you about the neurological aspect of it but to me it seems that you don’t want to know.
This is what the Carlos from “Dear Carlos” said about the book…
I have never had anyone explain it to me this way. I cant’ reply to you at the moment because there is so much information and it makes sense. I mean I feel like I could agree it’s a sin but I would still never call anyone who is gay a deragotory name. Thank you for sending me this…..
I’d love to post your article on my blog. do i have your permission to copy and paste it? …… i’m amazed at the detail and information that is in here. It’s like a breath of fresh air. thank you. I havnt’ read all of it yet. but it’s so rich with wisdom.
This is from a Christian man with SSA. But the difference is, he actually was open.
A FEW MINUTES AGO….
ME: Did you ever read what I had sent you?
LADY: I DID …. OH YES I DID THANK YOU SO MUCH
ME: no prob. What did you think?
LADY: I THOUGHT IT WAS VERY INSIGHTFUL….IMMA READ IT AGAIN TONIGHT
ME: Thank you. I am talking with a lesbian now and she wont read it because she thinks that I am trying to attack people like her but she hasn’t given it a chance.
LADY: i know at one point and time i was like that… i wish i could help her also
ME: What do you suggest?
LADY: well tell her that you understand how she feels but you are not trying to attack her…you want to help her too
tell her that right now you are talking to an ex lesbian that has been in the place where she is now
i have had visions of hell and back and its not cool
ME: I will…. Thanks so much.
LADY: no one is perfect but if you want to make it to heaven you have to give up your pleasures to please the Lord
you welcome
ME: Amen…
Dear Dr. Colbert,
With a gentle spirit, I am simply going to repeat my last statement:
Peace to you and your ministry,
~Suzanne